The worst week of my life.

This has been the worst week of my life. As everyone knows I was pregnant. On Monday things started to go wrong. So Jeff took me to the hospital. While we were there they couldn't really find anything wrong. They sent me home with the diagnoses of "threatened miscarriage" and told me to come back in two days for more test. We went back on Wednesday, they drew my blood, ran some test, and then I received the worst news ever... we had loss the baby. I felt as though someone stabbed me in the heart with a knife. Every breath since hearing that news has been labored. I can't stop thinking about what could have been with this baby. What is a boy or a girl? Did the baby have my eyes? or Jeff's smile? I can't stop thinking about one of my favorite things to do as a mother. I love going into the kids room after they fall asleep and put my hand on their chests and feel them breathing... that is something I will never be able to do with this baby. There will be no first smile, no first laugh. I have nothing tangible to remember this baby with. Only memories... The shock of finding out I was pregnant again, and the pain of find out I was no longer pregnant. Now I kiss Madalyn and Xander a little harder, and hug them a little longer. I love and cherish them. I am so blessed to have them. It really hurts not having my baby with us anymore, but it does bring some comfort knowing that he is heaven, and one day I will see him for the first time. "So baby let sweet Jesus hold you, until mom and dad can hold you"